...but here I am, not only making another journal entry, but essentially about to pour my heart out to a bunch of people who either never met me in person or are complete strangers to me, but meh, my last journal was too long anyways, it needed to get bumped off.

So at some point in my childhood, certain influences in my life inspired me to chase after a dream. Before I didn't really have any sense of purpose or worth, but at that point I sure did. I ran with it and I delved into education as the means to my end. Aside from some related interests in the spare time I'd left myself (including influences), this was pretty much what my world revolved around.

However, eventually, I'd come to find out the hard way that not only was what I thought I had been chasing after not all it was cracked up to be, but it was over my head. I didn't know what that felt like until that point. So I tried the second best thing. Then the third best thing.

By the time I figured out I should question both what I was trying to attain and how I was trying to attain it, I had spent most of my life savings, passed over several opportunities for actual work experience, tossed diet and exercise out the window, become a social recluse, lost almost all contact with most of my few real friends, and even distanced myself from and broke the trust of my family while still living under their roof.

As things stand, the economy is in trouble, I'm terribly out of shape, I can't get close to anybody for fear I'll just affect them negatively, I feel like I've wasted my youth away, and I don't have a future to look forward to. If it isn't the bum rotting away in a ditch, it'll be the trash still living with his mother or the weak, spineless coward who just couldn't go on anymore. I figure I've got a couple more years at most before it all hits the fan. By that time I'll have either pushed my parents to the point of kicking me out, torn myself away and driven off who-knows-where, or simply become seriously unsound of mind.

Now I know, I'm sorry, I'm acting like an emo, everybody's got their problems, plenty have it worse off than me, the last thing this place needs is more drama, and just about everything I've said here just generally makes me look bad, but I don't care anymore. I had been keeping all of this under wraps because I was afraid of what other people would think, but at this point I'm in a catch-22 anyways. At least now if I speak up, even if it's to someone I've never met in person (I have my own reasons I can't tell anyone close), there's that slim chance that someone might can and might will somehow help me out of this mess I've gotten myself stuck in. With that said, does anyone have any advice on what a guy in a desperate position can or should do?

Well, I guess I actually just made another long journal, but oh well, at least it's not as long as the last one. Anyways, to anyone who reads this journal, and especially to anyone who responds, thank you. Thank you.